(6 Yr. Old Terrance Whitherford getting Lap Dance. Photo by Leroy)So it's good news... this girl and I have been going out a lot. She's Native American and part L.A. caucasian. I met her after Michael Jackson died at some party. I liked her bangs(phallic-freudian for eventually we were gonna screw). At first, I wasn't sure she was cool because her youthful appeal seemed too of the moment. Kind of like reading VICE nowadays. But, I got over it and decided to start "steady" with her. Since, things have been great! We went to watch ugly people at the Mad Decent block party. We witnessed a public "beat-down" between some wasp, his ricki lake looking wife, and his mistress-bitch(she later lost her diaphragm near my foot). Yep, just Splendid...Up until another girl who I used to bone, for lack of a better term, appeared out from devilknowswhere, texting me slutty shit at funerals and sending me photos of her bangin' other dudes! In an act to avoid feeling like that asshole wasp, I went to some social-wise staples for advice- They are fashion editor/writer Christina Draper(lucky/InStyle); novelist/musician Chris Leo( Feathers like Leather/ White Pigeons); and Los Angeles' man about town, Chez Whitey.
1) If you were steady with someone- Native American. And all of a sudden, some former sex-demon comes outta "left field" trying to have sex with you every weekend. What would you do?
CW: You should get yours with said “sex-demon” because when you break up with your steady, you are going to look back and think to yourself “damn, why didn’t I sleep with that sex-demon when I had the chance?”
CD: I'd already be too busy "doing" my steady every weekend.
2) Keeping the playing fields balanced in a relationship is crucial. What is your theory on male to female regulation?
CW: Dick rationing is essential. I can’t say I am particularly good at this, but I heard a pimp talk about it, and realized he might be right.
CD: Huh? Regulating, what are we children?
3) How many women do you regulate a night? How many men?
CD: Is "Regulate" sex code?
CW:Lately, none... Wa-wa-waahhh!!!
4) Women, I'm a fan- I have all their albums! Would you say the same?
CD: Nah, I'm not into vag' on vag.'
CW: I love women. I need them in my life, I need feminine energy, and for someone to rub my back and head while I fall asleep after some good lovin’. That’s as damn near heaven as I’ve experienced in this crazy world.
5) Do you believe in Love...with a woman/man?
CD: Of course. I love myself dearly, so I can totally love others.
CW: Hell yes! I’m a sucker for love. But my perception on the possibility of love has changed.I think love is something that you need to work on, and stay committed too. But I also believe women are quick to fall out of love with a man if they don’t believe you can't provide for them.
6) If you were into a lock-up with a new love- specifically part native american/L.A. caucasian...When, if ever, is it cool to let your broad know he/she belongs to you?
CD: Are there really any Native American's left? And Second, I don't know that you can tell someone they "belong" to you, it's there choice whether they feel like being kept.
CW: I don’t understand the native american part. Basically, no one really ever "belongs" to anyone. The moment you start thinking that, is the moment you start slippin. Treat your girl well or someone else might come along and start appreciating your girl, and scoop her up from right under your nose. I’ve never had that happened, but I’ve been the scooper.
7) Do you find it hard to shake some of your ol' Hoe's off? A hoe can be from either sex and usually untrustworthy.
CW: Yes, I still love everyone I’ve ever been in love with. I would really love to sleep with them all again. I wish I could combine the best parts of all my ex-lovers.
CD: Nope- fuck 'em they had their chance. And been there, done that- I don't have the time nor energy to explore what I already know.
8) Don't you find The whole "Bro's before Hoes" thing a tad Gay? Why not Bro's who love Hoes or Chix who snatch dix! The later ones seem less homo erotic, no?
CW: Naw, it’s not really gay. I guess the main thing is, don’t be a dick to your bro. Respect your bros. But never diss them for some girl. Because in the long run, your guy friends can be really loyal. Guys stick together, it’s rough out there.
CD: Both of the latter terms seem like a perfect way to get " VD" ... but yes Bro's before Hoes is uber gay! I mean do those dudes spoon?
Jack Bower: I believe it's possible. I saw Marc Jacobs do it(spoon)!
GRAND FUN RAILROAD- Some Kind of Wonderful- From 1970 album Caught in the Act.
